rules are very important, when we want to relate to other people. One example
which friendship rules can fit best is in marital relationships. Friendship is
the main element of true LOVE between opposite sexes. Six of the Imams who are
progenies of the prophet Muhammad and his successors left shi`a Muslims with
maxims which would guide us best in relationship with others. Some of the
ahadith of the 12 Imams regarding friendship rights are narrated here. You can
best benefit from these advices, if you relate these to your past experiences
with friends and spouses. Then reflect on those experiences and think what you
could do in those circumstances if you had the wealth of this knowledge at that
time and applied it to your relationship with those people. Interpersonal
intelligence is one out of seven intelligences which has been discovered by
Goleman in the last century. This intelligence has been found to play a major
role in successful relationships and career promotions in the societies. Here
for abbreviation 'his' is used as a general word for 'her/his', and him for
'him/her', 'he' for 'he/her'.
(a.s.): .....If you find a loyal and permanent friend,
then give a generous hand to him/her. Be sincere and frank with those who are
sincere and frank with him. Be enemy of his enemies. Do not reveal his secrets.
Help him and observe his good deeds. Thus know that these type of friends are
rarer than alchemy.....
(a.s.): It is due to prosperity of a person if
........,there are good friends for him,.......
(s.a.w): Appreciate communication with friends to be
(a.s.): whoever does not appreciate friendship of his
friend, ......, is not from us.
(a.s.) was asked about the minimum right of a believer
friend (mumin), he said: whatever he needs himself, gives to his believer
brother with open hand.
(a.s.) was asked: What is wisdom? he said: ......., and
compromising with friends.
(a.s.): Friendship between two friends requires three
conditions, that they either have to apply these or separate from each other.
These are as follows: righteousness (justice) with each other, compassion and
tenderness (kindness) to each other, and desertion of jealousy towards each
(a.s.): Friendship is limited [to these five things]: 1)
demeanour and conscience of your friend be the alike with you; 2) what is
ornament for you, be ornament for him, and what is ugly for you, be ugly for
him; 3) wealth and children do not change your friendship with him; 4) whatever
is affordable for him, does not refrain from you; 5) does not pledge you to
hardship and pains.
(a.s.): Your friendship with people be the way you like
people's friendship be with you, as justice and fairness is thus.
(a.s.): Be friend with your Muslim brother, wish
everything you wish for yourself for him and do not deserve ugly and unpleasant
thingsyou do not want for
yourself for him either. When you needed something, ask him, and if he needed
something from you, give it to him. If you have a good saving, do not hide it
from him, that he also would not hide this good saving from you. If he visited
you, visit him and honour him, because you are from him and he is from you. And
if he had an offence from you in his heart, do not depart him till wipe that
offence and if good and blessing were favoured to him, be grateful to Allah,
and if he faced with difficulties, help him and carry his load on your
(a.s.): Do not damage your friend's right by relying on
the trust between you and him. That every one who damages the friend's right,
is free from the art of friendship and brotherhood.
(a.s.): a) There is nothing uglier than this manner that
his friend be grateful to him, but he does not recognises his friend's right. b).....Every one who considers
Allah's religion great, he would consider his friend's right great.
(s.a.w.): Thirty rights apply to friends for a Muslim. He
would not be acquitted of these rights, unless he applies these, or his friend
forgives these rights: He a) ignores his mistakes or slips; b) be compassionate
with him in his difficulties; c) expels his slips (mistakes); d) accepts his
apologies; e) prohibits people of backbiting about him; f) continues advising
him; g) respects his friendship; h) accepts his invitation; i) accepts his
gift; j) compensates his gift; k) be grateful from his favours; l) helps him
well; m) obtains his needs; n) responds to his questions; o) guides him when he
is mislead; p) answers his greeting [salam]; q) be pleased with his discourse
(talk); r) be friend with his friends, and be not antagonised with them; s)
stop him of oppression and help him to get his rights; t) does not defame his
friend; u) wishes every good thing he wishes for himself for his friend; v)
does not wish any unpleasant thing he does not like for himself for his friend
Alhaidari (1373), Rules of
finding friends in Islam, 2nd Ed., in Persian, Serkate Entesharate
Elmi wa Farhangi, Iran, Tehran, Africa St, Haqqani intersection (jahane
Koodak), Kaman Alley, No 4, Post code: 15178, Post Box 15175-366, Phone:
684569-70, 8880151, Fax: 684572