Friendship in Islam

Compiled by Engineer Afsaneh Cooper

Friendship rules are very important, when we want to relate to other people. One example which friendship rules can fit best is in marital relationships. Friendship is the main element of true LOVE between opposite sexes. Six of the Imams who are progenies of the prophet Muhammad and his successors left shi`a Muslims with maxims which would guide us best in relationship with others. Some of the ahadith of the 12 Imams regarding friendship rights are narrated here. You can best benefit from these advices, if you relate these to your past experiences with friends and spouses. Then reflect on those experiences and think what you could do in those circumstances if you had the wealth of this knowledge at that time and applied it to your relationship with those people. Interpersonal intelligence is one out of seven intelligences which has been discovered by Goleman in the last century. This intelligence has been found to play a major role in successful relationships and career promotions in the societies. Here for abbreviation 'his' is used as a general word for 'her/his', and him for 'him/her', 'he' for 'he/her'.

Imam Ali (a.s.): .....If you find a loyal and permanent friend, then give a generous hand to him/her. Be sincere and frank with those who are sincere and frank with him. Be enemy of his enemies. Do not reveal his secrets. Help him and observe his good deeds. Thus know that these type of friends are rarer than alchemy.....

Imam Sadiq (a.s.): It is due to prosperity of a person if ........,there are good friends for him,.......

Muhammad (s.a.w): Appreciate communication with friends to be Muslim.

Imam Sadiq (a.s.): whoever does not appreciate friendship of his friend, ......, is not from us.

Imam Sadiq (a.s.) was asked about the minimum right of a believer friend (mumin), he said: whatever he needs himself, gives to his believer brother with open hand.

Imam Reza (a.s.) was asked: What is wisdom? he said: ......., and compromising with friends.

Imam Sadiq (a.s.): Friendship between two friends requires three conditions, that they either have to apply these or separate from each other. These are as follows: righteousness (justice) with each other, compassion and tenderness (kindness) to each other, and desertion of jealousy towards each other.

Imam Sadiq (a.s.): Friendship is limited [to these five things]: 1) demeanour and conscience of your friend be the alike with you; 2) what is ornament for you, be ornament for him, and what is ugly for you, be ugly for him; 3) wealth and children do not change your friendship with him; 4) whatever is affordable for him, does not refrain from you; 5) does not pledge you to hardship and pains.

Imam Hasan (a.s.): Your friendship with people be the way you like people's friendship be with you, as justice and fairness is thus.

Imam Baqir (a.s.): Be friend with your Muslim brother, wish everything you wish for yourself for him and do not deserve ugly and unpleasant things you do not want for yourself for him either. When you needed something, ask him, and if he needed something from you, give it to him. If you have a good saving, do not hide it from him, that he also would not hide this good saving from you. If he visited you, visit him and honour him, because you are from him and he is from you. And if he had an offence from you in his heart, do not depart him till wipe that offence and if good and blessing were favoured to him, be grateful to Allah, and if he faced with difficulties, help him and carry his load on your shoulder.

Imam Kazim (a.s.): Do not damage your friend's right by relying on the trust between you and him. That every one who damages the friend's right, is free from the art of friendship and brotherhood.

Imam Sadiq (a.s.): a) There is nothing uglier than this manner that his friend be grateful to him, but he does not recognises his friend's right. b).....Every one who considers Allah's religion great, he would consider his friend's right great.

Muhammad (s.a.w.): Thirty rights apply to friends for a Muslim. He would not be acquitted of these rights, unless he applies these, or his friend forgives these rights: He a) ignores his mistakes or slips; b) be compassionate with him in his difficulties; c) expels his slips (mistakes); d) accepts his apologies; e) prohibits people of backbiting about him; f) continues advising him; g) respects his friendship; h) accepts his invitation; i) accepts his gift; j) compensates his gift; k) be grateful from his favours; l) helps him well; m) obtains his needs; n) responds to his questions; o) guides him when he is mislead; p) answers his greeting [salam]; q) be pleased with his discourse (talk); r) be friend with his friends, and be not antagonised with them; s) stop him of oppression and help him to get his rights; t) does not defame his friend; u) wishes every good thing he wishes for himself for his friend; v) does not wish any unpleasant thing he does not like for himself for his friend either, etc.....

Reference

Muhammad Alhaidari (1373), Rules of finding friends in Islam, 2nd Ed., in Persian, Serkate Entesharate Elmi wa Farhangi, Iran, Tehran, Africa St, Haqqani intersection (jahane Koodak), Kaman Alley, No 4, Post code: 15178, Post Box 15175-366, Phone: 684569-70, 8880151, Fax: 684572