The Rights of Wives and Husbands in Islam
| marital_life_importance_and_issues.pdf |
Compiled by Engineer Afsaneh Cooper
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Rights of Husband and Wife
While Allah, the Almighty, has emphasized on marriage and disliked anyone remaining single, He has also outlined the rights of the husband and wife. If we are mindful of these rights which Allah has defined then differences will never arise. Rather, it’ll be a highly successful life.
Love is the Key to Peace
Allah, the Almighty, has discussed the importance, aim and secret to success of a marital life in the following verse:
وَمِنْ اٰيٰتِہٖٓ اَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُمْ مِّنْ اَنْفُسِكُمْ اَزْوَاجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوْٓا اِلَيْہَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُمْ مَّوَدَّۃً وَّرَحْمَۃً اِنَّ فِيْ ذٰلِكَ لَاٰيٰتٍ لِّــقَوْمٍ يَّتَفَكَّرُوْنَ
“And one of His signs is that He created mates for you from yourselves that you may find rest in them, and He put between you love and compassion; most surely there are signs in this for a people who reflect.” 1
1. Marriage is among the signs of Allah. It is Allah who has placed attraction and a charm for each other in the partner’s heart. Both are vital and essential for each other.
2. Marriage is a medium of peace and tranquility. (لِّتَسْكُنُوْٓا اِلَيْہَا) Both husband and wife are incomplete without each other. Peace is achieved when they come together and complement each other.
3. The key to the foundation of this relationship is not wealth, beauty or lineage. Rather, it is attributed to love and mercy. وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُمْ مَّوَدَّۃً وَّرَحْمَۃً means that human life stands firm based on love and mercy. If there is no love and mercy after marriage then it means that life is unstable.
Love and Mercy
The Holy Quran has used two words – love and mercy. A building does not stand firm only on the basis of strong bricks. Simply laying bricks on top of each other does not strengthen a wall. What strengthens it is the material that is placed between the two bricks which binds the two together. The strength of the materials will not allow the wall to break down even during earthquakes. It is love and mercy which binds the husband and wife together and provides strength to this blessed relationship. Life sustains this relationship despite the most difficult situations and the most unpleasant circumstances.
1. Love, in the initial stages, and mercy, when the couple grow old and weak and do not have the ability to serve each other, strengthen the relationship.
2. Love is between two adults but children grow up in the shade of mercy.
3. Love entails equality whereas mercy includes sacrifice. It means this relationship will not survive on serving each other equally. Rather, sometimes it’s the feeling of sacrifice which is required. Allah has placed these emotions right in the beginning to prevent severing of this relationship.
Rights of the Wife
Hazrat Imam Zain al-Abideen (a.s.) has mentioned the rights of a wife thus:
“It is the right of your wife that you should know that Allah has made her as a medium of peace and comfort for you and a medium of attachment and love for you. Both of you are each other’s need. You should thank Allah for this great bounty and both of you should praise Him. You should know that this is a grace of Allah upon you. Hence, it is incumbent upon you that you thank Allah and have good fellowship with her. Although your rights upon her are greater and her obedience to you is obligatory in all your likes and dislikes so long as it is not a sin. So she has a right that you treat her with love, mercy, attachment and affection. She is the center of your comfort and the medium of your pleasure. She is a great bounty.” 2
Holy Prophet (s.a.w.a.) said:
“My brother Jibraeel has informed me and emphasized so much about women that I thought a husband does not have the rights to utter ‘Ugh’ to her.” 3
The last will of Holy Prophet (s.a.w.a.) was:
“He emphasized for prayers twice. Do not assign your slaves and servants any responsibility beyond their capacity. For the sake of Allah! Look after the women. They are the trusts of Allah in your hands. You have sought them after you made a covenant with Allah and she became your wife in the Name of Allah.”
It is reported in another tradition:
“On the Day of Qiyamat, a servant will be stopped near the Scale. His good deeds will be as large as mountains. At that time he will be asked about how he looked after his family and how he fulfilled their rights. The second question will be about his wealth and from where he acquired it.”
In reply to these questions, all his good deeds will be exhausted and not a single good deed will remain. Then the angels will call out,
“He is that person whose wife has exhausted all his good deeds and now he is engulfed in his deeds.” 4
The importance of the rights of a wife is evident from these traditions. The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.a.) has repeatedly emphasized on this point and has willed concerning women during the last stages of one’s life.
Alimony
It is obligatory upon to husband to pay alimony to his wife. Holy Prophet (s.a.w.a.) said:
“Cursed, cursed is he who violates the rights of his wife.” 5
Wife’s rights on her husband are that he should provide her with food and clothes and not find fault with her. When he discharges these duties, I swear by God, he has paid her due...” 6
Traditions also clearly state that if the husband does not have the ability to afford his wife’s expenses then he better divorce her.
Hazrat Imam Ja’far Sadiq (a.s.) said:
“If a person can provide alimony to his wife, provide for her food and clothing and fulfill her requirements, then he should be with her, else it is better that he sets her free.” 7
Scholars have defined alimony as follows:
“Alimony means daily necessities like bread, food, rice, meat, sugar, tea, seasonal fruits and clothes, bed and other requirements of life as per her needs and his financial and economic conditions. Nevertheless, it should at least be enough to fulfill the necessities.” 8
“Alimony to the wife is a must. If a husband does not provide for her expenses for a long time and neither did the wife have any amount from her husband with which she could pay for her expenses, then the alimony for that period is mandatory on the husband, the wife can demand it from him.” 9
Struggle in the Way of Allah
Fulfilling the needs of the family and looking after them is so important in the eyes of Islam that the one who works to fulfill the needs of his family, his efforts are given the status of struggle in the way of Allah. Holy Prophet (s.a.w.a.) said:
اَلْكَادُّعَلٰى عِيَالِهٖ كَالْمُجَاهِدِ فِيْ سَبِيْلِ اللَّهِ
“The one who strives for the sake of his family is like the one who struggles in the way of Allah.” 10
700 times the Reward
Pay attention to this tradition. The Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.a.) said:
مَا مِنْ عَبْدٍ يَكْسِبُ ثُمَّ يُنْفِقُ عَلَى عِيَالِهٖ إِلَّا أَعْطَاهُ اللَّهُ بِكُلِّ دِرْهَمٍ يُنْفِقُهُ عَلَى عِيَالِهٖ سَبْعَمِائَةِ ضِعْفٍ
“There is no servant who earns (his livelihood) and spends it on his family except that for every dirham he spends on his family Allah multiplies his reward 700 times.” 11
It can thus be clearly inferred that looking after one’s family, paying alimony to one’s wife, fulfilling her daily necessities is extremely valued by Allah and His Messenger (s.a.w.a.). But there are some people who are blinded due to their ego or the love for their wealth or miserliness. They are just not prepared to spend even if it results in the destruction of their home.
Rights of the Husband
Asma, wife of Ansaar, came into the presence of Holy Prophet (s.a.w.a.). He was with his companions. She said to him:
My parents be your ransom! I have come to you as a representative of a few women. May my life be sacrificed for you. If any woman, in the east or the west, gets to know that I’m in the presence of your eminence, she would also say whatever I said.
Allah has sent you as a Messenger for men and women. We have brought faith upon you and believe in that God who has sent you as a Messenger.
We, the group of women, are confined to the four walls of the house and we stay in our houses. We fulfill your requirements and nurture your children whereas you men have a higher status than us. You participate in the Friday prayers, congregations, visit the sick, participate in funerals, perform Hajj and most importantly fight for the cause of Allah and when anyone of you steps out of the house for Hajj, Umrah or to guard the boundaries then we look after your wealth, prepare clothes for you, train your children. Will we be included in the reward with you?
Upon hearing this, Holy Prophet (s.a.w.a.) turned towards his companions are said:
“Have you heard anything in religious matters better than this from any woman?”
The companions replied: We can’t imagine that a woman can put forth anything better than this.
Then his eminence (s.a.w.a.) turned towards her and said:
“Go back and inform all women that anyone of you who takes care of her husband, satisfies him and acts as per his wishes then it is equal to all those rewards.”
On hearing this, the woman went back in a state that her face was brimming with joy and was constantly reciting ‘There is no God but Allah’ and ‘Allah is the Greatest’. 12
Displeasure of the Husband
Holy Prophet (s.a.w.a.) said:
“If a woman hurts her husband through her tongue, Allah shall not accept even gold and silver from her nor any of her good deeds until she pleases her husband.” 13
Hazrat Imam Ja’far Sadiq (a.s.) said:
“If a woman spends a night in a state that her husband is displeased with her, Allah shall not accept her prayers until her husband is pleased with her and if a woman applies perfume for anyone other than her husband, Allah will not accept her prayers till she does not perform ablution like the obligatory ablution.” 14
Stepping out of the house without the Husband’s Permission
Hazrat Imam Muhammad Baqir (a.s.) narrates that a woman came to the holy presence of the Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.a.) and asked for the rights of a husband over his wife.
His eminence (s.a.w.a.) replied:
“Obey him, not to disobey him, not give anything from his house as charity without his permission, not even keep recommended fasts without his permission and submit to him. She should not step out of the house without his consent. If she steps out of the house without his consent of her husband, then all the angels of the heavens and the earth, the angels of Allah’s wrath as well as His Mercy, they curse her till she doesn’t return home.” 15
Adorning oneself for the Husband
A lady asked Holy Prophet (s.a.w.a.) about the rights of a husband.
He replied: There are many.
She said: Please narrate a few of them.
He replied: … not step out of the house without his permission, perfume herself for him in the best way, wear good clothes, adorn herself, present herself to him and there are other rights apart from this as well. 16
Welcoming and Seeing Off
A person came into the presence of Holy Prophet (s.a.w.a.) and asked him: O Messenger of Allah! My wife welcomes me when I come home and sees me off when I go out. When she sees me aggrieved she consoles by saying that if you are worrying about sustenance then Allah has guaranteed it and if you are pondering over the hereafter then think more (about it).
Holy Prophet (s.a.w.a.) replied:
“Give her glad tidings of Paradise and tell her you are one of Allah’s facilitators. Allah will grant you the reward of 70 martyrs daily.” 17
Hazrat Imam Ja’far Sadiq (a.s.) said:
“A woman who prays five times a day, fasts during the blessed month of Ramadan, obeys her husband, recognizes the right of Hazrat Ali (a.s.), she can enter Paradise through any door she wants.” 18
The Best of the Interceders
Hazrat Imam Muhammad Baqir (a.s.) said:
“The best interceder for a woman near Allah is the satisfaction and pleasure of her husband. When Janabe Fatima Zahra (s.a.) was martyred, Hazrat Ali (a.s.) said, ‘O Allah! I am satisfied and pleased with the daughter of Your Messenger (s.a.w.a.).” 19
Best and Worst Men
Holy Prophet (s.a.w.a.) said:
“Should I not inform you who the best among you is?
The companions said: Indeed, please do.
He replied:
The best among you is the one who is most God-fearing and pious, pure and chaste, the one who is open handed, of a noble family, serves his parents and his family does not depend on anyone else.
Then he said:
Should I also inform you of the worst kind of men?
The companions said: Indeed, please do.
He said:
The one who accuses falsely, miser, of bad character, does not remain within his limitations, one who eats alone, does not welcome guests, one who beats his slaves and family members, one whose family depends on others and disloyal to his parents.” 20
References
https://www.al-islam.org/marital-life-importance-and-issues/rights-husband-and-wife
Those are limits set by God: those who obey God and His Apostle will be admitted to Gardens with rivers flowing beneath, to abide therein (forever) and that will be the Supreme achievement.
[Holy Quran: Nisaa 4:13]
An Outlook on Family Rights
The rights of wives and husbands are completely described in the Glorious Quran. When studying them one can recognize these mutual rights as being one of the miracles of the pure culture of Islam. No other school of thought has so thoroughly attended to the rights of wives and their husbands until now, and none can do so from now until the end of time. These rights include obligatory and recommended rights. Disrespecting the obligatory rights without the other person's consent is the cause of divine punishment, and not honoring the recommended rights will lessen the sweetness of life. A major portion of these mutual rights are described in Vasa'il al-Shiaa, volumes 20-22, printed by Al-i-Bayt Press. As much as is required, I shall quote traditions from this volume, and instruct my dear readers to carefully read over those volumes.
Firstly, to bless the discussion I shall mention a few Quranic verses related to the matter and then I shall quote the traditions.
I will mislead them, and I will create in them false desires; I will order them to slit the ears of cattle, and to deface the (fair) nature created by God. Whoever, forsaking God, takes Satan for a friend, has of a surety suffered a loss that is manifest. [Holy Quran Nisaa 4:119]
And women shall have rights similar to the rights against them, according to what is equitable: [Holy Quran: Baqara: 2:228]
And yet they had already covenanted with God not to turn their backs, and a covenant with God must (surely) be answered for. [Holy Quran: Ahzab 33:15]
Isaq, the son of Ammac, said that he had asked Imam Sadiq what right does a woman have whose fulfillment by her husband implies that he is a good doer. The Imam replied that he should feed her properly and provide her with clothing. And when she does something out of ignorance, he should forgive her. Then the Imam said my father had a bothersome wife but he would always forgive her. The sixth Imam quoted the Prophet (Pbuh) as saying: Gabriel recommended on behalf of wives so much so that I thought divorcing her is not permissible unless she commits adultery. He also said good mercy be upon the man who performs all the affairs for himself and his wife well, since God the Almighty has granted to men the control of women, and established the husband as her guardian. The Prophet (Pbuh) said: One who ignores his wife's rights is deprived of God’s Mercy. He also said: The best of you is one who is the best for his family and I am a model for you in this regard. He also said: A man's wife is his slave and the person most loved by God the Almighty is the one who treats his slaves kindly.
The rights of the wife
1- Providing the means for living
The Prophet (Pbuh) said one must provide the foodstuffs and clothing of his wife in the best manner. Imam Sajjad said: Going to the market and buying one Durham of meat which my wife desires is better than freeing a slave. The sixth Imam said: The most fortunate man is the one who manages the affairs of his wife and children.
2- Sexual intercourse
The eight Imam was asked about a man who had a young wife whom he had not slept with for nearly a year due to a disaster that had come upon him. He had no intentions to bother his wife but the disaster caused him to do so. Was he sinning? The Imam answered: Of course. After four months passed, he was sinning. Abuzar asked the Prophet: Is a man's love-making to his wife divinely rewarded even though it brings pleasure? The Prophet (Pbuh) answered: Yes, of course. Is it not forbidden to satisfy your sexual desires unlawfully? Abuzar answered yes. Then the Prophet (Pbuh) said: Certainly its lawful form is divinely rewarded. It is considered desirable in divine teachings for a man to sleep with his wife for love-making once every four nights.
3-Improving the Living Conditions
The Prophet (Pbuh) said: When a man goes to shop for his wife, he is similar to one who takes charity to the house of the needy. When he gets home, he should first give what he has bought to his daughters. This is so because one who makes his daughter happy is similar to one who frees a slave from Ismael's generation. And one who makes his son happy by giving him something is similar to one who cries for fear of God given that God shall take such a person into Heaven filled with blessings.
Imam Musa said: Men's wives are their slaves. When God gives blessings to anyone he should use it to improve the living conditions of his slave or else that blessing might be taken away from him. The Prophet (Pbuh) has admonished against a man being full while his wife is hungry. The sixth Imam said: A man should try to do the following things even if it is against his own desires:
(1) Treating the family well
(2) Trying to improve his living conditions without being wasteful
(3) Being concerned about protecting the family's honor.
The fourth Imam said: God is more pleased with the one who brings about more improvement in his family's living conditions. The Prophet (Pbuh) said: Whatever a Muslim man buys for his wife has a reward similar to that of charity.
(4) Respecting the wife
The Prophet (Pbuh) said: Anyone who gets married should respect his wife. He also said: Anyone who hits his wife more than three times (at once), will be disgraced by God in the Hereafter. The Prophet (Pbuh) said: Can you expect to hug your wife at night, having beaten her in the day time? He also said: In fact a woman is a doll; Anyone who marries one should not commit sin with it. He also said: I wonder about a man who beats his wife, while he himself deserves to be beaten more. Do not beat your wives with a stick since there is retaliation for this act. The Commander of the Faithful said: The women you are responsible for are a trust for you. Don't be strict with them and leave them up in the air. Haola asked the Prophet: What rights does a women have over a man? The Prophet (Pbuh) replied: Gabriel made so many recommendations on behalf of women that I thought a man cannot say the slightest thing to her. Gabriel said: O' Muhammad, be afraid of God in regards to women. They bear the sufferings and hardships of life. Women have rights over you since they have placed their bodies in your control for pleasure, they carry your children within their bodies until the time for delivery and they experience dangerous pains. Be kind to them. Keep them satisfied so they'll get along well with you. Don't say your wives are ugly or you don't like them. Don't be greedy about what you have given as the nuptial gift or take any of it back by force.
(5) Grooming oneself and keeping clean
Just as men like to see their wives looking pretty, clean, wearing nice clothes and using good scent, women have the same desires for their husbands: cleanliness, grooming, taking baths, brushing teeth, washing one's hair, combing one's hair, cutting one's nails, using scent, wearing proper clothing and the rest of the allowed grooming. These acts will please the woman and increase her chastity. She will not go after other men and think about getting another husband. Hassan ibn Jahm said: The 8th Imam dyed his hair and I asked him why. He said that a man's grooming himself increases the chastity of his wife. Women abandon chastity because they never saw their husbands grooming themselves. Then the 8th Imam asked if I would like to see my wife in a disheveled state. Hazrat Reza quoted on the authority of his grandfather that the women of the Israelites turned away from chastity for no reason at all, except that their husbands didn't groom themselves. Then the Hazrat said: Women expect the same things of men that men expect of them. Some men are really unfair and don't groom themselves. They don't go to the barbers often and they smoke cigarettes. Therefore their teeth and mouth are dirty and bad-smelling. They don't wear the appropriate clothing and don't care about their looks. Yet they expect their wives to submit themselves to them. These men are oppressors who deserve to be blamed and punished.
(6) Speaking Decently and Courteously
Swearing, or using a vulgar language will force the person we are facing to react no matter who they are. When you complain too much your wife will be upset, and this will ruin your mutual life. The Commander of the Faithful has ordered men: Be patient with your wife under all circumstances and treat her with kindness.
(7) Be content with your share of control over life
Some men give up all their God-given free will and totally submit themselves to the will of their wives. Some women take full control of their husband's will and try to run their lives in any way they wish. This sort of life usually turns into a Satanic life with a lot of sin, waste and unlawful desires. The house and the family deviate from the main and divine principles when life is void of spirituality. Today, a large percentage of families suffer from this devastating catastrophe. Instead of life being dependent on the man's decision, it depends on the woman's. Instead of the man being the husband of the wife, the wife is her husband's master. God forbid that the man disobeys the woman's wants even if it is unlawful and ungodly. A fight will be started by the woman which will not end until the man surrenders or divorces her. Regarding such men who have lost control over their wives, Imam Ali said: Any man who gives his control over to his wife is damned. He also said: The man who totally submits to his wife shall be thrown into the Fire of Hell by God with his face down. They asked him why and he replied: Because the wife requests see-through clothing and he accepts it.
Regarding this issue, Imam Ali conducted a public sermon when a man complained against his wife: O' people! Never obey your wife. Do not give her any property. Do not grant the control of your life to her. If such people are left free to do as they wish, they will ruin everybody's life and disobey their husband's orders. We have discovered that these people are not pious when in need; quickly submit to lust; think about collecting gold and silver until very old and are selfish and haughty when they are weak. If some of what they want is not provided to them, they ignore all your kindness and favors and will always remember your bad actions. They will accuse without any hesitation and will never stop their rebellion and are constantly trotting on Satan's path. [Vasa'il, v.20, p.180, Al-i-Bayt Press]
The Rights of the Husband
A major factor in strengthening the ties of mutual life is dependent upon the woman respecting her husband's rights. The wife should only consider God and the Hereafter and not let anyone else interfere in regards to her husband's rights. Others may be mistaken or have bad intentions and it may even be that the cause of such interference in the life of the newly-wed couple is pure jealously. Women should remember that they are easily influenced by others. They should consider this element of their nature, and pay close attention to the possibility of others being wrong. They should remember God and their situation in the Hereafter and respect the man's humane, divine and religious rights.
The man likes the woman to be his woman. She should maintain her sex role as a woman, as this is her nature by creation. She should limit her beauty, appeal, seduction, and coquettishness to her husband. She should neither follow others nor should she accept the interference of distant or close relatives, neighbors or guests. Anyway, she should be the wife of her husband, and live based on his lawful desires. She should run the affairs of the home according to her husband's will, and be a good mother to her children. Some women forget that they are feminine. They become rough, harsh, bitter and man-like. This shall make man's life really bitter, and make him sorry about getting married. They may even get fed up with life. Some of the rights of the husband include: The woman should submit herself to her husband's sexual desires whenever he needs her. The woman should obey her husband in all moral and religious affairs. The woman should seek her husband's permission to leave the house, except for the required pilgrimage to Mecca.
8- Obedience
Imam Baqir said: A woman came to the Prophet (Pbuh) and asked him what rights does the husband have over the wife? He said: She must obey the husband, and not be rebellious. The Prophet (Pbuh) said: A woman who performs her five required daily prayers, fasts for the month of Ramadan, performs the pilgrimage to Mecca, obeys her husband, recognizes the rights of Imam Ali, being that he must be obeyed, shall enter Heaven from anyone of the eight gates which she desires to. Pay close attention to this very important tradition from the noble Prophet of Islam: Any good woman who worships God, performs the obligatory religious acts, and obeys her husband will enter Heaven. Any woman who says her prayers, does not leave the house unnecessarily, and obeys her husband shall be forgiven all her past and future sins by God. The Prophet (Pbuh) told a woman named Haola: By the God who entrusted me with Prophethood, a husband has rights over his wife. She should submit to his sexual desires. She should not disobey his orders, and not oppose or quarrel with him. In a very important and strong statement the Prophet (Pbuh) said: A woman has not fulfilled God's rights as long as she has not fulfilled her husband's rights. You should not conclude from the above traditions that the key to a woman's prosperity is solely obeying her husband. But she should also have faith, worship God, do her religious duties, and avoid doing what is forbidden. This means that she may prosper in this world and the Hereafter only if she gathers all these realties within herself.
9- Sexual submission
It is obligatory for the wife to sexually submit herself to her husband at times when there is no religious excuse. It is even recommended that she declares her readiness to him. The Prophet (Pbuh) said: A woman should use the best perfume, wear her prettiest clothes, and groom herself in the best possible form. She should appear in front of her husband every morning and night displaying her beauties. The husband has even more rights than this. If a woman carries out the instructions of the Prophet (Pbuh) exactly, she can keep her husband for herself, and keep him away from looking at or chasing other women, even in a lawful manner. This is exactly the situation which causes conflicts. The wife wants to wear her best clothes, perfume, and make-up for going out to wedding parties or visit her friends and relatives, but appears in front of her husband as she is. Even after she returns from the party, she does not give her husband the slightest chance to see her. This hurts the husband's feelings and weakens their relationship and may prepare the grounds for other problems. Many young and middle-aged men have come to me to complain about their wives' indifference and lack of interest in sexual submission and not making themselves up for them. They have expressed their interest in temporary marriage or divorce and re-marriage and have asked me to solve their problem. My only recommendation to women at this stage is to wholeheartedly follow the instructions of the Immaculate Imams and the Noble Prophet. This way their husband will not become lustful outside the house and they will not have any marital problems. Or else your life will be ruined and you will be responsible for it in the Hereafter. In regards to man's attraction to his wife and her submission to him the Prophet (Pbuh) said: Do not elongate your prayers to avoid submitting to your husband.
10- Going out of the House
Unfortunately, many women who have quit being a woman, and consider themselves to be men do not obey their husbands in regards to seeking permission to go out of the house. If it was deemed proper for women to freely go out of the house, then God would not have made it conditional upon the husband's permission. Some women left the house without their husband's permission. They caused sedition and corruption. They let out their hair and showed their face. They disturbed the pure atmosphere of the society. They acted sexy and coquettish in the streets. They even sometimes forced the men not to object in an attempt to protect their honor, so that these women could act as they pleased. They imitated the Western culture, that of the Jews and the Christians. They made such catastrophes for Islam and the Muslims that can never be compensated for. The Prophet (Pbuh) has ordered a woman not to leave the house without her husband's consent. And if she does so without his permission, all the heavenly angels and each jinn or man who passes by her will damn her until she returns home. Imam Sadiq said: One of the men from the Helpers (Ansar) went on a trip and ordered his wife not to leave the house until he returned home. Her father got ill while her husband was away. She sent a messenger to the Prophet (Pbuh) asking him if she could visit her father. The Prophet (Pbuh) replied that she should obey her husband and stay at home. Her father got worse and she sent another message but received the same reply. Her father passed away and she sent another messenger to go and pray for her father, but she received the same reply. They buried her father but the woman stayed at home. The Prophet (Pbuh) sent a messenger to her and he said that God forgave you and your father for obeying your husband. The Commander of the Faithful has instructed men as follows: Protect your women from the eyes of strange men, since this will better guard their chastity. The bad influences of bringing untrustworthy men to your house is the same as letting them go out to be seen in public. Make an effort so that they know no one but you.
11- Don't bother your husband, and don't be vulgar and ill-tempered
The Prophet (Pbuh) has made an amazing speech regarding this issue. He delivered this lecture for women. O' women, pay charity in God's way, even though it be your ornaments, even a date, since many of you swear and are ungrateful to your husband and will be the fuel for the Fire of Hell. A woman said are we not mothers. Don't we carry the babies in our wombs for many months. Don't we breastfeed them. Aren't these girls the heads of some households, and these sisters sympathetic to their brothers? The Prophet (Pbuh) said yes. You get pregnant. You deliver children. You breastfeed them. You are kind. If women did not bother their husbands and got along with them, then no praying woman would burn in the Fire of Hell.
The sixth Imam said: These people's prayers are not accepted: A maid's prayers who runs away are not accepted until she returns to her owners huose; a woman whose husband is dissatisfied with her from night until the morning; and a leader who leads the people, but the people do not want him. Ali, the son of Jafar asked his brother Imam Musa Kazim: What is the status of a woman's prayers and conditions who angers her husband with her bad temper and vulgarity? He answered she is sinful until her husband is pleased with her. The Prophet (Pbuh) told Haola: I swear by God who appointed me to Prophethood through my honesty and trustworthiness that when a men gets angry with his wife, God too will be angry with her. The Prophet (Pbuh) has asked women not to expect of their husbands more than they can provide for them and not to degrade their status before anyone whether it be a relative or a stranger. The sixth Imam said: A woman who bothers her husband, and makes him sorrowful is damned. A woman who obeys her husband under any circumstances and respects him and does not bother him is prosperous.
12- Working at home
The Prophet (Pbuh) told Haola: God shall prepare various delicious meals in Heaven for women who prepare delicious meals for their husbands. He will tell them to eat and drink as a reward for their efforts in this world. The Prophet (Pbuh) said: God shall look favorably at any woman who changes the decorations in the house to make the house look better. Whoever is favorably looked at by God will be saved from punishment. Imam Baqir said: Zahra (Pbuh) took care of the work inside the house such as preparing the dough and cooking the bread, and the Commander of the Faithful took care of the work outside the house such as shopping and collecting wood.
13- Respect your husband and treat him well
The seventh Imam said: A woman's Jihad is to take good care of her husband. A woman Jihad is being grateful to her husband; being kind with him; bearing with him when he is poor; seeing him off when he leaves, and welcoming him when he comes home; totally submitting to her husband at allowed times; putting on good clothes and make up for him; properly running the affairs of the house; avoiding wastefulness and not asking him for more than he can buy. Such acts which are defined by the Prophet (Pbuh) and the Imams as a wife's duty towards her husband are her Jihad (Holy War) Imam Baqir said: Nothing can intercede on behalf of a woman in God's presence than her husband's consent. The sixth Imam said: Some people went to see the Prophet (Pbuh) and said we saw some folks who prostrated in front of their leaders. Will you let us do so in front of you? The Prophet (Pbuh) said: No, but if I were to issue such an order, I would order women to prostrate in front of their husbands. The Prophet (Pbuh) told Haola: God will make any woman who obeys her husband, and is patient with him under all circumstances a companion of the wife of the Prophet Jacob (Pbuh) in the Hereafter. God will grant any woman a reward for bearing the bitter words of her husband. For each word, He will count one day of fasting of a fighter in the way of God as her reward. The Prophet (Pbuh) said: A husband's right over his wife is that she should turn up the light of his house, cook the food; welcome him at the door when he comes home; prepare water and a towel for him to wash his hands and face; and submit herself to him sexually whenever she does not have a religious excuse. The Commander of the Faithful stood by the dead body of his wife Fatimah upon her death and said:
O' God. I am pleased with your Prophet's daughter. O' God, please be her companion, and alleviate her fears.
14- Do not make yourselves up except for your husband
Princess Diana's thought against Camila [the second wife of her husband] made her depressed-video
The Prophet (Pbuh) told Haola: Do not let anyone other than your husband see your ornaments and jewelry. Do not put on any perfume in the absence of your husband. Do not show off your attractive scarf and wrists. If you do so, you will ruin our religion and make God angry. The Prophet (Pbuh) admonished women against wearing attractive clothes outside the house. He also forbade wearing jewelry that might make noticeable noise. A very important tradition exists from the Prophet, and must be seriously considered by the Muslims. Any man, whose wife puts on make-up and leaves the house to go out and be seen in public with his consent, is a cuckold, and it is not a sin to call him so. For each step that she takes, a house full of fire will be prepared for him. Limit them in this respect, since these limitations are a cause of happiness and pleasure for you and family.
15- Do not use your husbands property without his consent
The sixth Imam said: A wife is not free to let a slave free, give charity or bet without her husband's consent, however, the payment of the obligatory alms tax, visiting her relatives and doing good deeds do not need his permission. The Prophet (Pbuh) said: A woman should not donate any of her husband's property without his consent. Should she do so, she will be sinful and the reward of her act will belong to the man. I shall once again say that the material presented here regarding the rights of husbands and wives mostly comes from volumes twenty-one through volume twenty-two of the noble book "Vasa'il" printed by Al-i-Bayt Press, and several traditions have been cited from volume 103 of Bihar al-Anwar. Those who wish to study this subject further should refer to these valuable books.
Reference
http://www.erfan.ir/14454.html
Compiled by Engineer Afsaneh Cooper
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Rights of Husband and Wife
While Allah, the Almighty, has emphasized on marriage and disliked anyone remaining single, He has also outlined the rights of the husband and wife. If we are mindful of these rights which Allah has defined then differences will never arise. Rather, it’ll be a highly successful life.
Love is the Key to Peace
Allah, the Almighty, has discussed the importance, aim and secret to success of a marital life in the following verse:
وَمِنْ اٰيٰتِہٖٓ اَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُمْ مِّنْ اَنْفُسِكُمْ اَزْوَاجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوْٓا اِلَيْہَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُمْ مَّوَدَّۃً وَّرَحْمَۃً اِنَّ فِيْ ذٰلِكَ لَاٰيٰتٍ لِّــقَوْمٍ يَّتَفَكَّرُوْنَ
“And one of His signs is that He created mates for you from yourselves that you may find rest in them, and He put between you love and compassion; most surely there are signs in this for a people who reflect.” 1
1. Marriage is among the signs of Allah. It is Allah who has placed attraction and a charm for each other in the partner’s heart. Both are vital and essential for each other.
2. Marriage is a medium of peace and tranquility. (لِّتَسْكُنُوْٓا اِلَيْہَا) Both husband and wife are incomplete without each other. Peace is achieved when they come together and complement each other.
3. The key to the foundation of this relationship is not wealth, beauty or lineage. Rather, it is attributed to love and mercy. وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُمْ مَّوَدَّۃً وَّرَحْمَۃً means that human life stands firm based on love and mercy. If there is no love and mercy after marriage then it means that life is unstable.
Love and Mercy
The Holy Quran has used two words – love and mercy. A building does not stand firm only on the basis of strong bricks. Simply laying bricks on top of each other does not strengthen a wall. What strengthens it is the material that is placed between the two bricks which binds the two together. The strength of the materials will not allow the wall to break down even during earthquakes. It is love and mercy which binds the husband and wife together and provides strength to this blessed relationship. Life sustains this relationship despite the most difficult situations and the most unpleasant circumstances.
1. Love, in the initial stages, and mercy, when the couple grow old and weak and do not have the ability to serve each other, strengthen the relationship.
2. Love is between two adults but children grow up in the shade of mercy.
3. Love entails equality whereas mercy includes sacrifice. It means this relationship will not survive on serving each other equally. Rather, sometimes it’s the feeling of sacrifice which is required. Allah has placed these emotions right in the beginning to prevent severing of this relationship.
Rights of the Wife
Hazrat Imam Zain al-Abideen (a.s.) has mentioned the rights of a wife thus:
“It is the right of your wife that you should know that Allah has made her as a medium of peace and comfort for you and a medium of attachment and love for you. Both of you are each other’s need. You should thank Allah for this great bounty and both of you should praise Him. You should know that this is a grace of Allah upon you. Hence, it is incumbent upon you that you thank Allah and have good fellowship with her. Although your rights upon her are greater and her obedience to you is obligatory in all your likes and dislikes so long as it is not a sin. So she has a right that you treat her with love, mercy, attachment and affection. She is the center of your comfort and the medium of your pleasure. She is a great bounty.” 2
Holy Prophet (s.a.w.a.) said:
“My brother Jibraeel has informed me and emphasized so much about women that I thought a husband does not have the rights to utter ‘Ugh’ to her.” 3
The last will of Holy Prophet (s.a.w.a.) was:
“He emphasized for prayers twice. Do not assign your slaves and servants any responsibility beyond their capacity. For the sake of Allah! Look after the women. They are the trusts of Allah in your hands. You have sought them after you made a covenant with Allah and she became your wife in the Name of Allah.”
It is reported in another tradition:
“On the Day of Qiyamat, a servant will be stopped near the Scale. His good deeds will be as large as mountains. At that time he will be asked about how he looked after his family and how he fulfilled their rights. The second question will be about his wealth and from where he acquired it.”
In reply to these questions, all his good deeds will be exhausted and not a single good deed will remain. Then the angels will call out,
“He is that person whose wife has exhausted all his good deeds and now he is engulfed in his deeds.” 4
The importance of the rights of a wife is evident from these traditions. The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.a.) has repeatedly emphasized on this point and has willed concerning women during the last stages of one’s life.
Alimony
It is obligatory upon to husband to pay alimony to his wife. Holy Prophet (s.a.w.a.) said:
“Cursed, cursed is he who violates the rights of his wife.” 5
Wife’s rights on her husband are that he should provide her with food and clothes and not find fault with her. When he discharges these duties, I swear by God, he has paid her due...” 6
Traditions also clearly state that if the husband does not have the ability to afford his wife’s expenses then he better divorce her.
Hazrat Imam Ja’far Sadiq (a.s.) said:
“If a person can provide alimony to his wife, provide for her food and clothing and fulfill her requirements, then he should be with her, else it is better that he sets her free.” 7
Scholars have defined alimony as follows:
“Alimony means daily necessities like bread, food, rice, meat, sugar, tea, seasonal fruits and clothes, bed and other requirements of life as per her needs and his financial and economic conditions. Nevertheless, it should at least be enough to fulfill the necessities.” 8
“Alimony to the wife is a must. If a husband does not provide for her expenses for a long time and neither did the wife have any amount from her husband with which she could pay for her expenses, then the alimony for that period is mandatory on the husband, the wife can demand it from him.” 9
Struggle in the Way of Allah
Fulfilling the needs of the family and looking after them is so important in the eyes of Islam that the one who works to fulfill the needs of his family, his efforts are given the status of struggle in the way of Allah. Holy Prophet (s.a.w.a.) said:
اَلْكَادُّعَلٰى عِيَالِهٖ كَالْمُجَاهِدِ فِيْ سَبِيْلِ اللَّهِ
“The one who strives for the sake of his family is like the one who struggles in the way of Allah.” 10
700 times the Reward
Pay attention to this tradition. The Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.a.) said:
مَا مِنْ عَبْدٍ يَكْسِبُ ثُمَّ يُنْفِقُ عَلَى عِيَالِهٖ إِلَّا أَعْطَاهُ اللَّهُ بِكُلِّ دِرْهَمٍ يُنْفِقُهُ عَلَى عِيَالِهٖ سَبْعَمِائَةِ ضِعْفٍ
“There is no servant who earns (his livelihood) and spends it on his family except that for every dirham he spends on his family Allah multiplies his reward 700 times.” 11
It can thus be clearly inferred that looking after one’s family, paying alimony to one’s wife, fulfilling her daily necessities is extremely valued by Allah and His Messenger (s.a.w.a.). But there are some people who are blinded due to their ego or the love for their wealth or miserliness. They are just not prepared to spend even if it results in the destruction of their home.
Rights of the Husband
Asma, wife of Ansaar, came into the presence of Holy Prophet (s.a.w.a.). He was with his companions. She said to him:
My parents be your ransom! I have come to you as a representative of a few women. May my life be sacrificed for you. If any woman, in the east or the west, gets to know that I’m in the presence of your eminence, she would also say whatever I said.
Allah has sent you as a Messenger for men and women. We have brought faith upon you and believe in that God who has sent you as a Messenger.
We, the group of women, are confined to the four walls of the house and we stay in our houses. We fulfill your requirements and nurture your children whereas you men have a higher status than us. You participate in the Friday prayers, congregations, visit the sick, participate in funerals, perform Hajj and most importantly fight for the cause of Allah and when anyone of you steps out of the house for Hajj, Umrah or to guard the boundaries then we look after your wealth, prepare clothes for you, train your children. Will we be included in the reward with you?
Upon hearing this, Holy Prophet (s.a.w.a.) turned towards his companions are said:
“Have you heard anything in religious matters better than this from any woman?”
The companions replied: We can’t imagine that a woman can put forth anything better than this.
Then his eminence (s.a.w.a.) turned towards her and said:
“Go back and inform all women that anyone of you who takes care of her husband, satisfies him and acts as per his wishes then it is equal to all those rewards.”
On hearing this, the woman went back in a state that her face was brimming with joy and was constantly reciting ‘There is no God but Allah’ and ‘Allah is the Greatest’. 12
Displeasure of the Husband
Holy Prophet (s.a.w.a.) said:
“If a woman hurts her husband through her tongue, Allah shall not accept even gold and silver from her nor any of her good deeds until she pleases her husband.” 13
Hazrat Imam Ja’far Sadiq (a.s.) said:
“If a woman spends a night in a state that her husband is displeased with her, Allah shall not accept her prayers until her husband is pleased with her and if a woman applies perfume for anyone other than her husband, Allah will not accept her prayers till she does not perform ablution like the obligatory ablution.” 14
Stepping out of the house without the Husband’s Permission
Hazrat Imam Muhammad Baqir (a.s.) narrates that a woman came to the holy presence of the Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.a.) and asked for the rights of a husband over his wife.
His eminence (s.a.w.a.) replied:
“Obey him, not to disobey him, not give anything from his house as charity without his permission, not even keep recommended fasts without his permission and submit to him. She should not step out of the house without his consent. If she steps out of the house without his consent of her husband, then all the angels of the heavens and the earth, the angels of Allah’s wrath as well as His Mercy, they curse her till she doesn’t return home.” 15
Adorning oneself for the Husband
A lady asked Holy Prophet (s.a.w.a.) about the rights of a husband.
He replied: There are many.
She said: Please narrate a few of them.
He replied: … not step out of the house without his permission, perfume herself for him in the best way, wear good clothes, adorn herself, present herself to him and there are other rights apart from this as well. 16
Welcoming and Seeing Off
A person came into the presence of Holy Prophet (s.a.w.a.) and asked him: O Messenger of Allah! My wife welcomes me when I come home and sees me off when I go out. When she sees me aggrieved she consoles by saying that if you are worrying about sustenance then Allah has guaranteed it and if you are pondering over the hereafter then think more (about it).
Holy Prophet (s.a.w.a.) replied:
“Give her glad tidings of Paradise and tell her you are one of Allah’s facilitators. Allah will grant you the reward of 70 martyrs daily.” 17
Hazrat Imam Ja’far Sadiq (a.s.) said:
“A woman who prays five times a day, fasts during the blessed month of Ramadan, obeys her husband, recognizes the right of Hazrat Ali (a.s.), she can enter Paradise through any door she wants.” 18
The Best of the Interceders
Hazrat Imam Muhammad Baqir (a.s.) said:
“The best interceder for a woman near Allah is the satisfaction and pleasure of her husband. When Janabe Fatima Zahra (s.a.) was martyred, Hazrat Ali (a.s.) said, ‘O Allah! I am satisfied and pleased with the daughter of Your Messenger (s.a.w.a.).” 19
Best and Worst Men
Holy Prophet (s.a.w.a.) said:
“Should I not inform you who the best among you is?
The companions said: Indeed, please do.
He replied:
The best among you is the one who is most God-fearing and pious, pure and chaste, the one who is open handed, of a noble family, serves his parents and his family does not depend on anyone else.
Then he said:
Should I also inform you of the worst kind of men?
The companions said: Indeed, please do.
He said:
The one who accuses falsely, miser, of bad character, does not remain within his limitations, one who eats alone, does not welcome guests, one who beats his slaves and family members, one whose family depends on others and disloyal to his parents.” 20
References
https://www.al-islam.org/marital-life-importance-and-issues/rights-husband-and-wife
- 1. Surah Rum (30): 21
- 2. Tuhaf al-Uqool, p. 268
- 3. Mustadrak al-Wasaael, vol. 14, p. 252
- 4. Al-Muhajjat al-Baizaa, vol. 3, p. 76
- 5. Oddat al-Da’ee (English), ch. 2, H. 173
- 6. Oddat al-Da’ee (English), ch. 2, H. 224
- 7. Wasaael al-Shia, vol. 21, p. 512
- 8. Ahkaam-e-Khaanvaade by Mohammad Waheed, vol. 1, p. 329
- 9. Ibid, p. 270
- 10. Behaar al-Anwaar, vol. 96, p. 324
- 11. Makaarim al-Akhlaaq, p. 216
- 12. Tafseer al-Mizaan, vol. 4, p. 372
- 13. Makaarim al-Akhlaaq, p. 202
- 14. Al-Kaafi, vol. 5, p. 507
- 15. Wasaael al-Shia, vol. 20, p. 157, H. 25300
- 16. Al-Kaafi, vol. 5, p. 508
- 17. Tuhaf al-Uqool, p. 239
- 18. Al-Kaafi, vol. 5, p. 555
- 19. Behaar al-Anwaar, vo. 102, p. 257
- 20. Wasaael al-Shia, vol. 14, chapter 7
Those are limits set by God: those who obey God and His Apostle will be admitted to Gardens with rivers flowing beneath, to abide therein (forever) and that will be the Supreme achievement.
[Holy Quran: Nisaa 4:13]
An Outlook on Family Rights
The rights of wives and husbands are completely described in the Glorious Quran. When studying them one can recognize these mutual rights as being one of the miracles of the pure culture of Islam. No other school of thought has so thoroughly attended to the rights of wives and their husbands until now, and none can do so from now until the end of time. These rights include obligatory and recommended rights. Disrespecting the obligatory rights without the other person's consent is the cause of divine punishment, and not honoring the recommended rights will lessen the sweetness of life. A major portion of these mutual rights are described in Vasa'il al-Shiaa, volumes 20-22, printed by Al-i-Bayt Press. As much as is required, I shall quote traditions from this volume, and instruct my dear readers to carefully read over those volumes.
Firstly, to bless the discussion I shall mention a few Quranic verses related to the matter and then I shall quote the traditions.
I will mislead them, and I will create in them false desires; I will order them to slit the ears of cattle, and to deface the (fair) nature created by God. Whoever, forsaking God, takes Satan for a friend, has of a surety suffered a loss that is manifest. [Holy Quran Nisaa 4:119]
And women shall have rights similar to the rights against them, according to what is equitable: [Holy Quran: Baqara: 2:228]
And yet they had already covenanted with God not to turn their backs, and a covenant with God must (surely) be answered for. [Holy Quran: Ahzab 33:15]
Isaq, the son of Ammac, said that he had asked Imam Sadiq what right does a woman have whose fulfillment by her husband implies that he is a good doer. The Imam replied that he should feed her properly and provide her with clothing. And when she does something out of ignorance, he should forgive her. Then the Imam said my father had a bothersome wife but he would always forgive her. The sixth Imam quoted the Prophet (Pbuh) as saying: Gabriel recommended on behalf of wives so much so that I thought divorcing her is not permissible unless she commits adultery. He also said good mercy be upon the man who performs all the affairs for himself and his wife well, since God the Almighty has granted to men the control of women, and established the husband as her guardian. The Prophet (Pbuh) said: One who ignores his wife's rights is deprived of God’s Mercy. He also said: The best of you is one who is the best for his family and I am a model for you in this regard. He also said: A man's wife is his slave and the person most loved by God the Almighty is the one who treats his slaves kindly.
The rights of the wife
1- Providing the means for living
The Prophet (Pbuh) said one must provide the foodstuffs and clothing of his wife in the best manner. Imam Sajjad said: Going to the market and buying one Durham of meat which my wife desires is better than freeing a slave. The sixth Imam said: The most fortunate man is the one who manages the affairs of his wife and children.
2- Sexual intercourse
The eight Imam was asked about a man who had a young wife whom he had not slept with for nearly a year due to a disaster that had come upon him. He had no intentions to bother his wife but the disaster caused him to do so. Was he sinning? The Imam answered: Of course. After four months passed, he was sinning. Abuzar asked the Prophet: Is a man's love-making to his wife divinely rewarded even though it brings pleasure? The Prophet (Pbuh) answered: Yes, of course. Is it not forbidden to satisfy your sexual desires unlawfully? Abuzar answered yes. Then the Prophet (Pbuh) said: Certainly its lawful form is divinely rewarded. It is considered desirable in divine teachings for a man to sleep with his wife for love-making once every four nights.
3-Improving the Living Conditions
The Prophet (Pbuh) said: When a man goes to shop for his wife, he is similar to one who takes charity to the house of the needy. When he gets home, he should first give what he has bought to his daughters. This is so because one who makes his daughter happy is similar to one who frees a slave from Ismael's generation. And one who makes his son happy by giving him something is similar to one who cries for fear of God given that God shall take such a person into Heaven filled with blessings.
Imam Musa said: Men's wives are their slaves. When God gives blessings to anyone he should use it to improve the living conditions of his slave or else that blessing might be taken away from him. The Prophet (Pbuh) has admonished against a man being full while his wife is hungry. The sixth Imam said: A man should try to do the following things even if it is against his own desires:
(1) Treating the family well
(2) Trying to improve his living conditions without being wasteful
(3) Being concerned about protecting the family's honor.
The fourth Imam said: God is more pleased with the one who brings about more improvement in his family's living conditions. The Prophet (Pbuh) said: Whatever a Muslim man buys for his wife has a reward similar to that of charity.
(4) Respecting the wife
The Prophet (Pbuh) said: Anyone who gets married should respect his wife. He also said: Anyone who hits his wife more than three times (at once), will be disgraced by God in the Hereafter. The Prophet (Pbuh) said: Can you expect to hug your wife at night, having beaten her in the day time? He also said: In fact a woman is a doll; Anyone who marries one should not commit sin with it. He also said: I wonder about a man who beats his wife, while he himself deserves to be beaten more. Do not beat your wives with a stick since there is retaliation for this act. The Commander of the Faithful said: The women you are responsible for are a trust for you. Don't be strict with them and leave them up in the air. Haola asked the Prophet: What rights does a women have over a man? The Prophet (Pbuh) replied: Gabriel made so many recommendations on behalf of women that I thought a man cannot say the slightest thing to her. Gabriel said: O' Muhammad, be afraid of God in regards to women. They bear the sufferings and hardships of life. Women have rights over you since they have placed their bodies in your control for pleasure, they carry your children within their bodies until the time for delivery and they experience dangerous pains. Be kind to them. Keep them satisfied so they'll get along well with you. Don't say your wives are ugly or you don't like them. Don't be greedy about what you have given as the nuptial gift or take any of it back by force.
(5) Grooming oneself and keeping clean
Just as men like to see their wives looking pretty, clean, wearing nice clothes and using good scent, women have the same desires for their husbands: cleanliness, grooming, taking baths, brushing teeth, washing one's hair, combing one's hair, cutting one's nails, using scent, wearing proper clothing and the rest of the allowed grooming. These acts will please the woman and increase her chastity. She will not go after other men and think about getting another husband. Hassan ibn Jahm said: The 8th Imam dyed his hair and I asked him why. He said that a man's grooming himself increases the chastity of his wife. Women abandon chastity because they never saw their husbands grooming themselves. Then the 8th Imam asked if I would like to see my wife in a disheveled state. Hazrat Reza quoted on the authority of his grandfather that the women of the Israelites turned away from chastity for no reason at all, except that their husbands didn't groom themselves. Then the Hazrat said: Women expect the same things of men that men expect of them. Some men are really unfair and don't groom themselves. They don't go to the barbers often and they smoke cigarettes. Therefore their teeth and mouth are dirty and bad-smelling. They don't wear the appropriate clothing and don't care about their looks. Yet they expect their wives to submit themselves to them. These men are oppressors who deserve to be blamed and punished.
(6) Speaking Decently and Courteously
Swearing, or using a vulgar language will force the person we are facing to react no matter who they are. When you complain too much your wife will be upset, and this will ruin your mutual life. The Commander of the Faithful has ordered men: Be patient with your wife under all circumstances and treat her with kindness.
(7) Be content with your share of control over life
Some men give up all their God-given free will and totally submit themselves to the will of their wives. Some women take full control of their husband's will and try to run their lives in any way they wish. This sort of life usually turns into a Satanic life with a lot of sin, waste and unlawful desires. The house and the family deviate from the main and divine principles when life is void of spirituality. Today, a large percentage of families suffer from this devastating catastrophe. Instead of life being dependent on the man's decision, it depends on the woman's. Instead of the man being the husband of the wife, the wife is her husband's master. God forbid that the man disobeys the woman's wants even if it is unlawful and ungodly. A fight will be started by the woman which will not end until the man surrenders or divorces her. Regarding such men who have lost control over their wives, Imam Ali said: Any man who gives his control over to his wife is damned. He also said: The man who totally submits to his wife shall be thrown into the Fire of Hell by God with his face down. They asked him why and he replied: Because the wife requests see-through clothing and he accepts it.
Regarding this issue, Imam Ali conducted a public sermon when a man complained against his wife: O' people! Never obey your wife. Do not give her any property. Do not grant the control of your life to her. If such people are left free to do as they wish, they will ruin everybody's life and disobey their husband's orders. We have discovered that these people are not pious when in need; quickly submit to lust; think about collecting gold and silver until very old and are selfish and haughty when they are weak. If some of what they want is not provided to them, they ignore all your kindness and favors and will always remember your bad actions. They will accuse without any hesitation and will never stop their rebellion and are constantly trotting on Satan's path. [Vasa'il, v.20, p.180, Al-i-Bayt Press]
The Rights of the Husband
A major factor in strengthening the ties of mutual life is dependent upon the woman respecting her husband's rights. The wife should only consider God and the Hereafter and not let anyone else interfere in regards to her husband's rights. Others may be mistaken or have bad intentions and it may even be that the cause of such interference in the life of the newly-wed couple is pure jealously. Women should remember that they are easily influenced by others. They should consider this element of their nature, and pay close attention to the possibility of others being wrong. They should remember God and their situation in the Hereafter and respect the man's humane, divine and religious rights.
The man likes the woman to be his woman. She should maintain her sex role as a woman, as this is her nature by creation. She should limit her beauty, appeal, seduction, and coquettishness to her husband. She should neither follow others nor should she accept the interference of distant or close relatives, neighbors or guests. Anyway, she should be the wife of her husband, and live based on his lawful desires. She should run the affairs of the home according to her husband's will, and be a good mother to her children. Some women forget that they are feminine. They become rough, harsh, bitter and man-like. This shall make man's life really bitter, and make him sorry about getting married. They may even get fed up with life. Some of the rights of the husband include: The woman should submit herself to her husband's sexual desires whenever he needs her. The woman should obey her husband in all moral and religious affairs. The woman should seek her husband's permission to leave the house, except for the required pilgrimage to Mecca.
8- Obedience
Imam Baqir said: A woman came to the Prophet (Pbuh) and asked him what rights does the husband have over the wife? He said: She must obey the husband, and not be rebellious. The Prophet (Pbuh) said: A woman who performs her five required daily prayers, fasts for the month of Ramadan, performs the pilgrimage to Mecca, obeys her husband, recognizes the rights of Imam Ali, being that he must be obeyed, shall enter Heaven from anyone of the eight gates which she desires to. Pay close attention to this very important tradition from the noble Prophet of Islam: Any good woman who worships God, performs the obligatory religious acts, and obeys her husband will enter Heaven. Any woman who says her prayers, does not leave the house unnecessarily, and obeys her husband shall be forgiven all her past and future sins by God. The Prophet (Pbuh) told a woman named Haola: By the God who entrusted me with Prophethood, a husband has rights over his wife. She should submit to his sexual desires. She should not disobey his orders, and not oppose or quarrel with him. In a very important and strong statement the Prophet (Pbuh) said: A woman has not fulfilled God's rights as long as she has not fulfilled her husband's rights. You should not conclude from the above traditions that the key to a woman's prosperity is solely obeying her husband. But she should also have faith, worship God, do her religious duties, and avoid doing what is forbidden. This means that she may prosper in this world and the Hereafter only if she gathers all these realties within herself.
9- Sexual submission
It is obligatory for the wife to sexually submit herself to her husband at times when there is no religious excuse. It is even recommended that she declares her readiness to him. The Prophet (Pbuh) said: A woman should use the best perfume, wear her prettiest clothes, and groom herself in the best possible form. She should appear in front of her husband every morning and night displaying her beauties. The husband has even more rights than this. If a woman carries out the instructions of the Prophet (Pbuh) exactly, she can keep her husband for herself, and keep him away from looking at or chasing other women, even in a lawful manner. This is exactly the situation which causes conflicts. The wife wants to wear her best clothes, perfume, and make-up for going out to wedding parties or visit her friends and relatives, but appears in front of her husband as she is. Even after she returns from the party, she does not give her husband the slightest chance to see her. This hurts the husband's feelings and weakens their relationship and may prepare the grounds for other problems. Many young and middle-aged men have come to me to complain about their wives' indifference and lack of interest in sexual submission and not making themselves up for them. They have expressed their interest in temporary marriage or divorce and re-marriage and have asked me to solve their problem. My only recommendation to women at this stage is to wholeheartedly follow the instructions of the Immaculate Imams and the Noble Prophet. This way their husband will not become lustful outside the house and they will not have any marital problems. Or else your life will be ruined and you will be responsible for it in the Hereafter. In regards to man's attraction to his wife and her submission to him the Prophet (Pbuh) said: Do not elongate your prayers to avoid submitting to your husband.
10- Going out of the House
Unfortunately, many women who have quit being a woman, and consider themselves to be men do not obey their husbands in regards to seeking permission to go out of the house. If it was deemed proper for women to freely go out of the house, then God would not have made it conditional upon the husband's permission. Some women left the house without their husband's permission. They caused sedition and corruption. They let out their hair and showed their face. They disturbed the pure atmosphere of the society. They acted sexy and coquettish in the streets. They even sometimes forced the men not to object in an attempt to protect their honor, so that these women could act as they pleased. They imitated the Western culture, that of the Jews and the Christians. They made such catastrophes for Islam and the Muslims that can never be compensated for. The Prophet (Pbuh) has ordered a woman not to leave the house without her husband's consent. And if she does so without his permission, all the heavenly angels and each jinn or man who passes by her will damn her until she returns home. Imam Sadiq said: One of the men from the Helpers (Ansar) went on a trip and ordered his wife not to leave the house until he returned home. Her father got ill while her husband was away. She sent a messenger to the Prophet (Pbuh) asking him if she could visit her father. The Prophet (Pbuh) replied that she should obey her husband and stay at home. Her father got worse and she sent another message but received the same reply. Her father passed away and she sent another messenger to go and pray for her father, but she received the same reply. They buried her father but the woman stayed at home. The Prophet (Pbuh) sent a messenger to her and he said that God forgave you and your father for obeying your husband. The Commander of the Faithful has instructed men as follows: Protect your women from the eyes of strange men, since this will better guard their chastity. The bad influences of bringing untrustworthy men to your house is the same as letting them go out to be seen in public. Make an effort so that they know no one but you.
11- Don't bother your husband, and don't be vulgar and ill-tempered
The Prophet (Pbuh) has made an amazing speech regarding this issue. He delivered this lecture for women. O' women, pay charity in God's way, even though it be your ornaments, even a date, since many of you swear and are ungrateful to your husband and will be the fuel for the Fire of Hell. A woman said are we not mothers. Don't we carry the babies in our wombs for many months. Don't we breastfeed them. Aren't these girls the heads of some households, and these sisters sympathetic to their brothers? The Prophet (Pbuh) said yes. You get pregnant. You deliver children. You breastfeed them. You are kind. If women did not bother their husbands and got along with them, then no praying woman would burn in the Fire of Hell.
The sixth Imam said: These people's prayers are not accepted: A maid's prayers who runs away are not accepted until she returns to her owners huose; a woman whose husband is dissatisfied with her from night until the morning; and a leader who leads the people, but the people do not want him. Ali, the son of Jafar asked his brother Imam Musa Kazim: What is the status of a woman's prayers and conditions who angers her husband with her bad temper and vulgarity? He answered she is sinful until her husband is pleased with her. The Prophet (Pbuh) told Haola: I swear by God who appointed me to Prophethood through my honesty and trustworthiness that when a men gets angry with his wife, God too will be angry with her. The Prophet (Pbuh) has asked women not to expect of their husbands more than they can provide for them and not to degrade their status before anyone whether it be a relative or a stranger. The sixth Imam said: A woman who bothers her husband, and makes him sorrowful is damned. A woman who obeys her husband under any circumstances and respects him and does not bother him is prosperous.
12- Working at home
The Prophet (Pbuh) told Haola: God shall prepare various delicious meals in Heaven for women who prepare delicious meals for their husbands. He will tell them to eat and drink as a reward for their efforts in this world. The Prophet (Pbuh) said: God shall look favorably at any woman who changes the decorations in the house to make the house look better. Whoever is favorably looked at by God will be saved from punishment. Imam Baqir said: Zahra (Pbuh) took care of the work inside the house such as preparing the dough and cooking the bread, and the Commander of the Faithful took care of the work outside the house such as shopping and collecting wood.
13- Respect your husband and treat him well
The seventh Imam said: A woman's Jihad is to take good care of her husband. A woman Jihad is being grateful to her husband; being kind with him; bearing with him when he is poor; seeing him off when he leaves, and welcoming him when he comes home; totally submitting to her husband at allowed times; putting on good clothes and make up for him; properly running the affairs of the house; avoiding wastefulness and not asking him for more than he can buy. Such acts which are defined by the Prophet (Pbuh) and the Imams as a wife's duty towards her husband are her Jihad (Holy War) Imam Baqir said: Nothing can intercede on behalf of a woman in God's presence than her husband's consent. The sixth Imam said: Some people went to see the Prophet (Pbuh) and said we saw some folks who prostrated in front of their leaders. Will you let us do so in front of you? The Prophet (Pbuh) said: No, but if I were to issue such an order, I would order women to prostrate in front of their husbands. The Prophet (Pbuh) told Haola: God will make any woman who obeys her husband, and is patient with him under all circumstances a companion of the wife of the Prophet Jacob (Pbuh) in the Hereafter. God will grant any woman a reward for bearing the bitter words of her husband. For each word, He will count one day of fasting of a fighter in the way of God as her reward. The Prophet (Pbuh) said: A husband's right over his wife is that she should turn up the light of his house, cook the food; welcome him at the door when he comes home; prepare water and a towel for him to wash his hands and face; and submit herself to him sexually whenever she does not have a religious excuse. The Commander of the Faithful stood by the dead body of his wife Fatimah upon her death and said:
O' God. I am pleased with your Prophet's daughter. O' God, please be her companion, and alleviate her fears.
14- Do not make yourselves up except for your husband
Princess Diana's thought against Camila [the second wife of her husband] made her depressed-video
The Prophet (Pbuh) told Haola: Do not let anyone other than your husband see your ornaments and jewelry. Do not put on any perfume in the absence of your husband. Do not show off your attractive scarf and wrists. If you do so, you will ruin our religion and make God angry. The Prophet (Pbuh) admonished women against wearing attractive clothes outside the house. He also forbade wearing jewelry that might make noticeable noise. A very important tradition exists from the Prophet, and must be seriously considered by the Muslims. Any man, whose wife puts on make-up and leaves the house to go out and be seen in public with his consent, is a cuckold, and it is not a sin to call him so. For each step that she takes, a house full of fire will be prepared for him. Limit them in this respect, since these limitations are a cause of happiness and pleasure for you and family.
15- Do not use your husbands property without his consent
The sixth Imam said: A wife is not free to let a slave free, give charity or bet without her husband's consent, however, the payment of the obligatory alms tax, visiting her relatives and doing good deeds do not need his permission. The Prophet (Pbuh) said: A woman should not donate any of her husband's property without his consent. Should she do so, she will be sinful and the reward of her act will belong to the man. I shall once again say that the material presented here regarding the rights of husbands and wives mostly comes from volumes twenty-one through volume twenty-two of the noble book "Vasa'il" printed by Al-i-Bayt Press, and several traditions have been cited from volume 103 of Bihar al-Anwar. Those who wish to study this subject further should refer to these valuable books.
Reference
http://www.erfan.ir/14454.html